The Supreme Court has yet again proven that its only purpose is to remind the commonfolk that they're little more than a circlejerk of emperors, overturning Roe v. Wade and revoking Miranda rights protections. This of course has Americans everywhere (at least the ones who still have their heads screwed on the whole way) wondering how they can profess in good faith that this is a free country. Francis Scott Key, writer of the Star-Spangled Banner, returned in spectral form to clarify to everyone once and for all that he was merely being sarcastic when he put "land of the free" in the national anthem.
"It was an oversight, I admit." said Key. "I'd really thought sarcasm was well-understood, even during my time, but I failed to account for the Dunning-Kruger effect."
Key comments that he still has no idea why anyone believed America was a free country when slavery was a massive selling point for most of his life. On that note, however, he questioned who the idiot was that did away with it, in spite of his initial detesting of it.
"Now that I've finally told everyone the truth, I'm hoping people will stop tooting that ridiculous tagline", he added. "Another thing, whoever read 'home of the brave', please understand the difference between ignorance and bravado, because you might realise something scary once you do."
Key's ghost slunk back to his grave following the interview, morphing a solemn middle finger onto its tombstone for all to see.
